10/06/2006: ""Let the rain fall down" (a rainy day)"

I find it annoying that English lacks a good distinction between "desiring sleep" and "exhausted" and generally leaves us to "I'm tired". While, sure, you could say that you're "exhausted", the feeling isn't quite right. "Exhausted" generally overdoes it, as it makes me think of someone who spends 10 hours a day slaving away in the field, or in a coal mine. Since I'm not to the point where my body can't function, I don't feel right saying that I'm "exhausted".

These are the things you think about as you bike back home after a long day.

So, yeah.. I'm tired. That's probably directly related to why I find myself it such a thoughtful position right now. The more tired I become, the more I withdraw. I ramble, I think, I wonder about the mysteries of the world. At the end of the day, though, I don't think there actually are answers to many of these questions (which is why I don't pursue philosophy). Most pressing right now is the matter related to blame. It seems like a fairly trivial issue, but one that is currently directly related to my life. If one party doesn't commit any wrongs nor enable them to occur, but is aware that they are going on and makes no effort to stop them, what degree of blame is there? I know that, at the end of the day, I should always end up doing what I think is right (in a perfect world). But the world is far from perfect. Politics, relationships, honor, duty, laws, social norms, all of these play a role in impacting what we realistically can or cannot do.

But I guess these are the excuses people make for not doing the right thing. The most I can do is admit it, even if I'm unlikely to actually do anything about it. It's mildly important to mention that no one's hurt and no one's dying. Just something that's been on my mind as of late.

Lots of weird problems going on for people around me today. Not much I can say or do about it, other than try to help out as much as I can. There's an upper limit to what you can do for people, though. You can push them in the right direction, but they're the ones that have to walk down the road. I guess this is both a curse and a relief. On one hand, you can say that you've done all you can and step back, knowing it's out of your hands. On the other.. no matter how much you may care, there's only so much you can do.

... I have mentioned that I get weird when I'm tired, right? Dunno. I get talkative, too. Really talkative.

Aaaaaand, it looks like my plans for tomorrow are shot. Ah well. Day off, maybe?

So, I'm going to go wander off, maybe get some sleep or something. I guess that's why we use "tired" to mean both types: sleep will help resolve them both.

Oddly enough? I had a really good day today. None of this should suggest that I actually had a bad day, I'm just introspective. While I actually skipped my second class (yes, bad me), I had a really good time with a friend of mine.

Off I go.


Jason

On Tuesday, October 10th, Kat said:

Since my phone got shut off i can't call you. i'm sorry about that.
With the blame thing-it is tough. It would seem simple-that if you're aware of something and stay out of it, the blame would fall on you, but as you say there are all these things that make one wonder. It gets tough. And i know i always question myself0 if i'm making an excuse or if it's as legitimate a reason/reasons as i feel for staying out of something. i don't know. i dont' have details and it's a complicated world without easy answers.
i'm thinking of you.