12/19/2006: "Those late night ramblings"

Yet again, it's terribly late and I'm far more introspective than I really should be. School's also out now, my birthday's coming up, it's Christmas time, and the year's coming to an end. This ultimately leads to evaluating one's current life, the past year, and where you're going. Keep in mind that this is liable to not make much sense (as I tend to skimp on details). But note that nothing worthy of concern is going on.

The thing is.. I don't really think I like where things are going. This isn't a matter of schooling or anything. All told, I think my schooling's going alright, and even if it were to not, I'm hellbent on my current track and have no desire to change what I'm doing. I promised this is what I'll do, and that's what I intend to follow through. No, where I'm concerned is in me as a person, and how I'm changing. I tend to be rather resistant to change in general and continue on in my own way, regardless of what's happening around me. I always thought of this as good. But as the months have passed through this year, I find myself changing in little ways here and there, disregarding 'this' or paying new attention to 'that'. At the end of the day, I don't think that I've compromised myself or my morals (or is that just what I prefer to tell myself?), but I oft wonder how it is that I've come to the varied decisions I went through to make it there.

In the grand scheme of things, this is one of those many circumstances that just occurs in life. Comes and goes. Alas, I don't live in the future, but in the present. Looking back on the past year, even if it's not really much in the way of events, I see alot of decisions I've made. If 'me' from a year ago were to look back over this.. I know he'd scream.

And yet, ironically, I'd probably mostly agree with him. I guess it's fair to say that I tend to oppose change.

At that, I really need to go to bed. Have to be up semi-early-ish to do some more Christmas shopping and get some things ready.


Jason

On Friday, December 22nd, Joe said:

I feel you are doing your best to make informed and heart-felt decisions. I am proud of your grades..my imaginary son.
If there is anything I can help with at all..be it listening..or using my 49 years of experience to aid you..then please..just let me...