12/31/2006: "Taking stock of time"

So, I finally got around to uploading a random assortment of my academic papers, which are now available via the side-bar ("Papers", in the first box). I have many, many more (about 30+ in the folder I keep my writing assignments in), but they're really boring and no one would really want to read them. These, I feel, are at least slightly informative, and maybe people will learn something from it. Assuming anyone actually wants to bother reading.

Over the past few days, I've gone about doing some general cleaning: tossing out (donating) old clothes I no longer wear, digging through drawers and moving/reorganizing/tossing out stuff I don't need or use, etc. It's weird to go look through all these old papers, old school notebooks, and letters to and from people I hardly even know now. Gifts I never sent, projects I've started but never finished, journals transcribing trips I've taken, photos of places I've been and the like.

It's pretty much that time of the year where you take stock of the past, criticise the present, and reevaluate the future. Fortunately, hell or high-water, I'm deeply invested in the current plan towards my futuru (though where/what that's going to be, I couldn't possibly say), so that keeps me from having to bother with that much. I'm also not keen on New Year's resolutions, so that's another one down. Still, though, I can't help but feel that I'm doing something wrong and quite possibly failing myself in the mean time. Since when did I start listening to people, anyway? I'm especially sensitive towards people trying to change me, which seems to be the position I've gotten myself into. Generally, I had a tendency to quickly discard such comments, attempts, or even people if the situation got serious enough. I don't mean to sound heartless, but if the person isn't content with who I am, I don't see why it is that I should change myself so people will like me. And yet somehow, here I am, for some reason or another, in a position where I find myself giving in, changing, and accepting things I'd otherwise disagree with. Somewhere, distantly, an earlier incarnation of myself is very angry about this, I'm sure. As it is, even I'm unsure how this has come about, or even where it's going in the future. Blah.

Have I mentioned that I tend to be opposed to change? I'm sure I have.

I really do need to run now. Going to probably play games, do some more reading (finished 'Jarhead' yesterday, it's a pretty good book though I felt the narrative was a bit rougher than it needed to be), and then ring in the new year with some sparkling apple cider with my younger siblings. Other than that, no real plans.

So, off I go! Next time I write, a new year will have started.


Jason