06/14/2008: "Finally moved in, starting my life.."

Well, I'm not living in my own place.. oddly enough, for the first time in my life. It's nice to not be in hotels or someone's guest bedroom like I've been for the past two weeks. I finally, for the first time in two weeks, have been able to take something out of a bag and NOT put it back in. That is nice.. but at the same time, I find myself hesitant to.

Everytime I do something that puts me here more permanently, I feel a strong pang in my chest. Not like in the figurative, I'm trying to write something that sounds good way.. in the, seriously, my heart aches with sadness when I do it kinda way. Friday, I went to the bank and converted the last of my money from dollars to yen, now changing the balance of power so I officially have more money in Japan than America, and I now will be making many of my monetary decisions in Japan. It's the same with moving in.. a part of my doesn't want to, because that's another step that firmly places me here in Japan.

Most of all, though, I miss the din of having other people around. I'd like to be positive, but this first week has been a little less than ideal. When you find that every single one of your coworkers hates your boss, this is generally not a good sign. I quickly learned (through information and first-hand experience) why no one likes her. While a bad boss is nothing new to the world, nor is heavy lecturing or criticism from your boss, she's really quite manipulative and a pain to work with. I've only been here a week and I've already had to argue with her on three separate occasions.

Fortunately, I'm rarely in the office normally, once my schedule is finalized (oh, another problem with my boss: she gets nothing done unless you ride her about it.. including figuring out when and where I work). I just get up in the morning, drive to several schools, teach, then come home. The plus side is I rarely teach before 12. The negative is that I usually stop working around 9pm. The teaching jobs seem good for the most part.. kinda difficult at first, but the students seem good (ranging from kindergarten to retirees). One of the jobs I teach (Tuesday) is at a Japanese Air Force base, which is kinda interesting, since I grew up on a military base.

Anyway.. yeah.. it's kinda lonely here, but I'm working on making friends and meeting people. I think it'll be much easier to cope with all the changes when I have a social network. I'm actually meeting a young couple tomorrow, along with their 1 year old son. I remember distantly someone telling me to not meet strangers on the internet.. but I think there was a clause about ignoring this when you're in Shuunan and alone in Japan. Right? Good.

I bought a hideously expensive tv today (a 20" flat screen LCD, which is really your only choice in TV type, cost about $700-800. Yeah. THAT expensive. It'd be nearly double the size if I bought it in America). However, it was well worth it. Just having a tv on in the background, even if I don't have cable, helps. I'm playing DVDs on it right now (I brought about.. 75-100 dvds from America), and it really is nice to watch something familiar and hear the background noise.

I'm trying to keep my chin up and outlook bright, even though I admit I do better and worse day by day. There are many, many changes, and all at once.. so I imagine that's to blame for my random anxiety attacks as of late. I'm pretty sure they'll pass as time goes on and I adjust better.

At least if I'm gonna do this, I chose Japan. It's an insanely safe (nevermind the 7 people who got brutally stabbed and 10 injured in Asakusa, which I was in 4 days prior to the incident).. no one I've seen ever really locks their doors (car or house), and you could just leave your wallet on a railing in the mall, leave, and find it there two hours later. Bicycle theft is fairly regular, though nearly no one seems to think of it as wrong (it's more like "extended borrowing that you forget to return"). Kinda weird.

The internet's been a great boon to me, though. 10 years ago, it would be so much more difficult to stay in touch with other people, but now I can still talk to people from back home every day, even with a 16 hour difference. I imagine that writing here is also helpful, as it not only lets me keep in touch, but serves as a sort of semi-censored log of my life, my thoughts, and my progress. Someday, I'll read this and remember what it was like to live alone for the first time, sitting in the corner of a tatami room with a laptop stacked on pillows, waiting for time to pass.

I took a short video clip of my apartment, which I'll upload in the next day or so. It's about 4 minutes long, though it was right after I moved in, so it's not as nice as it could be. But, for the rent, it really isn't a bad place (under $500 for a decently sized bedroom, another room that I've turned into Xbox360/tv/computer room, a shower and bathroom, and kitchen/dining room combo). It's totally Japanese style, which will take some time getting used to (I still don't care for futons on the floor, and tatami isn't as nice on your feet as carpet, but sweeping it's much easier than vacuuming).

Anyway, meeting with people tomorrow (making contacts in town!), then observing more classes on Monday, then start teaching Tuesday. Wish me luck!

I'll get some pictures and the video up soon.


Jason

On Wednesday, June 18th, Kat said:

You're in my thoughts Jason-i've obviously never lived in a nother country but i remember when i first left everything familiar and was in a strange place all on my own...and how anxious i was and the sometimes being all right and sometimes not...it's scary even if it is a good change, change is rarely easy. i'll be keeping you in my thoughts.