Juxtaposed in Japan

Friday, April 29th

Another day passes by

Current Sounds: Materia - FFVII

It seems most of the school's computers were off today for some reason. I was going to post from two different classes, but it seems that I couldn't get online during the day, so.. no luck. Not that it's really all that amazing to write from school, but it's interesting to do if possible.

Not much to say about school today. Have one more paper and two tests coming up, but after that the semester's over. Also have the Japanese oral exam coming up soon (possibly more on that later). Otherwise, it's all getting pretty boring, to be honest. Two of my classes are mostly spent doing homework for my other classes, since I've already passed one (don't have to take the final) and I just need to write a paper for the other. Sometimes I just sketch out website designs, some project or another, or simply draw pictures. Yes, college work at its finest.

So, what about the rest of life? Not too eventful, I must say. Just the usual stuff.. well, if you ignore the fact that I'm leaving for Japan in 18+/- days. To be honest, I haven't really done anything for it so far. I think I'll start buying all the little things (all the personal items people need to keep themselves alive and such) next week and probably start packing around the same time. I guess it might be a bit early to start packing but as someone wisely pointed out to me, this is a long trip, so it might take some time to figure the best way to pack. There are a bunch of last-minute things I need to do before I leave but I can't really start doing it until about the week I leave, so.. right now it's just alot of waiting.

Randomly, in case anyone's curious where I'll be, when I'll be at a certain place, etc, I'll be leaving maps and that kind of information.. soon-ish. Or at least I intend to. I need to make up some stuff soon to send off to people, so I'll see if I wind up posting it here. Mind you, travel plans and maps aren't that interesting, so.. it's not much to miss out on.

With any luck, I'll be getting down to the small details on my Japanese oral exam over this weekend and finally stary practicing for it. It'll end up for about 40% of the grade for my final (the other 60% is a written test), so it really would pay to study for it and work on it. If at all possible, I want to leave it as free-form as possible, which is why it's best to go for a really easy-going scenario that involves alot of discussion. It won't be easy no matter which way you do it, but it'll be a whole lot easier if you can throw in different questions and forms as the conversation progresses. Or, it could just be that I think too much. This does happen sometimes, so.. who knows.

Probably won't do anything eventful today. Maybe run to the bank.. don't have anything else planned. I might start work on the other game I wanted to work on (apparently I have two I might be working on at the same time.. ack! Hopefully I can get them done before I leave). I did some sprite ripping today, so that should mostly be done. I also did some of the course layout, so.. with any luck, I should have alot of the resources ready. I think this game should be simpler to make than the last one (not so complex), so.. we'll see.

Well, I'm going to be up a bit longer and then I'll go sleep for as long as I can possibly sleep before the sunlight finally yanks me from bed (probably around 6 hours or so).

As for everything else in life.. right now I'm just degrading to smiling and nodding and pretending everything is "perfectly fine". Oddly enough, I notice that as stress increases, I concentrate more on other people's problems. I guess maybe it's easier to get lost in trying to make things better for people around you than to aknowledge your own situation. Or maybe it's way too late at night and I'm thinking too much. I tend to do that late at night.. not always a good thing.

Well, I should be off. I'll write again sometime soon, when I can.

Oh, and if anyone's curious, the outline for my Japanese thing is available by clicking "More" at the bottom of this post.
Jason on 04.29.05 @ 06:06 AM JST [more..]

Tuesday, April 26th

In Japanese class..

Current Sounds: Classmates talking..
Currently Feeling: O_O No test!

I'm in Japanese class right now, using the computer to type this up. Should I be? Probably not. But.. I'm bored, and we're on break.

Technically, we have a test in a few minutes. To suggest that I'm remotely prepared for it would be an overstatement.. and a horrible one at that. I'm sure I can get a passing grade, but by no means will it be pretty.

... err.. yeah. I really should be studying right now. Alas, at this point (30+ minutes before the test), is it really going to help?

So.. I guess I'll go. I really need to study the kanji right now.

Will write later!
School on 04.26.05 @ 04:56 PM JST [link]

Sometimes, I don't even understand myself.

Current Sounds: Voices of a Distant Star - Track 10
Currently Feeling: Tired.. confused.. that sort of thing.

Hey.. so here I am. Sorry for not posting earlier. Been getting to things kinda off and on as of late. I really need to be asleep right now, but.. for some reason, I rarely can get myself to go to bed as of late. I'm sure there's probably a reason for all this, but I really can't say what that is. I'd go into some sort of long, drawn-out psychological thing on possible reasons, but really.. who needs that?

So, let's get to the updating on my life (considering this is a journal about my life, this seems like a good place to start). First off, school. Oddly enough, I only have about 3 weeks left of classes. I don't know why it is this way, but I always get oddly sentimental at the end of the semester. No matter how little I may care for some of the classes, it still means the passing of time. It just says that another part of my life has passed, and I'm a step closer to the dark "future" that lurks in the shadows in front of me. This is another issue entirely, but.. yeah. I always feel odd about the semester ending. Aside from that, I'm doing pretty well in my classes. Two more papers due in philosophy, I'm already done with psychology (I still need to attend class, but I'm exempt from the final.. YAY!), one more math test, and two more in Japanese. Alot of work coming up, I guess, but nothing I haven't done before.

About a week after school ends, I'll be boarding a plane and flying to a foreign country to live and stay for three months. Lately, I've been stressing out alot about all the small details regarding this trip. This is great, and I am excited.. but every. little. thing. just seems to have 50 more things attached to it. At times, I don't possibly have enough time to resolve all the issues. At other times, it seems like I have to just sit and wait. Do I have enough money to live and eat in Tokyo? It's only 6 days. What kinds of things do I need to buy? Etc, etc, etc. Mind you, this is mostly my own fault, due to the fact that I, by my very nature, worry. And worry alot.

Something positive.. hmm.. ah, yes, I just finished my first game! Yay! It's now available for download on my website. It's nothing too impressive, I guess.. but to be honest, I'm quite proud of it. Took it from pen and paper sketches to a fully-functional game in six days. I want to make another game before I leave (hopefully better).. but if I do, I need to get started soon. Bleh. I'll run some ideas on paper through my classes tomorrow (as I tend to, while pretending to do work).

Not really sure what else I have to say right now. I really need to sleep soon, but.. I don't know. Just can't seem to get myself to lately. I also need to start work on my Japanese language project soon. And THEN I need to find ways to fix/work on all the stuff people need/want me to get around to.

I'll write later, oh yes.. soon, I hope.

Joe, I'll e-mail you sometime soon, okay? Don't worry too much.. everything's mostly fine. And the thing in Amazon was great. She got a few books and things for the trip.

So.. writing later!
Jason on 04.26.05 @ 05:15 AM JST [link]

Friday, April 22nd

Quick update..

Current Sounds: Sailor Moon - German - Intro (German Techno Remix)
Currently Feeling: Sick..

Sorry I haven't written or been around much. Testing, papers, all that stuff. I've also somehow picked up a cold, so I've been running a pretty good fever and haven't really been tip-top for most of the week.

I really need to get to bed.. soon. I want to just sleep in today, for a good, long time and hopefully feel better, at least a little bit.

Scholastically.. things are going okay. I'll write about that soon, though.

I'll be off.. but, again, I'll be writing soon. Just letting people know where I am and what's up.
Jason on 04.22.05 @ 04:12 AM JST [link]

Friday, April 15th

'Life is waiting for you..'

Current Sounds: Our Lady Peace - Life

Well, I've been going to sleep about an hour earlier each day this week. Though, I've also been waking up earlier too, so I guess there's not much of an obvious effect from this. I also keep waking up 2-3 times a night. Kinda strange. Not too important, but it is a bit annoying to not sleep for more than a few hours at a time. I figure it's probably stress, though I'm not sure over what, or what that has to do with sleeping.

Went out, got all my responsible-ish things done this morning, attended my "morning" class (which I spent sketching out ideas for a design for a new thing I want to work on this weekend), walked to my second class and then, for some reason or another, decided that going out to have pizza for lunch would be so much more fun than going to the class (in my defense, it's the first time I've skipped that class this semester).. soo, my older sibling and I went off to get pizza. Sat in the shade, talked, ate pizza, drank Mountain Dew, and then ran back to the campus for my last class of the day. In other words, not much of note happened today.

Hmm.. need to work on a 7 +/- minute skit-thingie with a partner for Japanese. Will try to get those details sorted out either this week or next. I currently have no idea what I plan to ramble on about for 7 minutes (especially because it needs to have some sort of theme or "plot" and requires more than basic sentences. But I'm good at basic sentences!). Once the details are sorted out and a vague script/timeline is written up (which you're not technically supposed to do, but who can really not memorize lines to talk for 7 minutes?), I'm sure I'll post it up for all the world to marvel at... or question my sanity some more.

I'll be leaving early tomorrow, so I need to get to sleep. Might be out most of tomorrow.. might not. I don't really know yet.

Oh.. before I go, to Kat and Joe.. thanks for posting and everything and your comments. I do actually read and keep up with what's going on, though I guess I tend to not comment in your respective journals all that often. Thanks for caring, like you do. It's something that I'd never take for granted.

I'll write sometime again soon..
Jason on 04.15.05 @ 03:20 AM JST [link]

Wednesday, April 13th

Why doesn't life make sense..?

Current Sounds: My typing and the computer fan

No point to this post.. just writing, I guess. Mostly related to what's expressed in the topic: Why doesn't life make sense? Have some decisions that I need to make today.. I'd really rather not, but.. I have to. Things also just seem to be getting.. weird as of late.

Maybe it's just me. Time, motion, and distance are all relative, so it could simply be me that's not feeling normal within the world rather than the world being weird around me. But.. it's much easier to just say that things around me are getting strange. Less thinking.

School related: Took math test.. feel okay. Japanese teacher never showed up.. kinda worried about him. Need to do a 7-minute dialogue with a classmate for Japanese class.. so I need to first kidnap someone to be my "partner"-ish person. Will try Thursday for the kidnapping. Also need a storyline/plot/something to talk about for 7 minutes. Am crazy. Probably will come up with something strange.

I'm really hoping to get to bed before 4AM today. It's looking entirely possible, but.. I always seem to find something to do.

Oh.. and I need to make a phone call to Japan sometime before this week ends. And still reply to those e-mails. I'm so horrible with that.. bleh.

Will write later..
Jason on 04.13.05 @ 04:08 AM JST [link]

Monday, April 11th

Closer and closer it comes..

Current Sounds: Noir - Melodie
Currently Feeling: Introspective

Well, the weekend came and went. How am I doing work-wise? Still behind in my e-mails, still drifting a bit behind in my homework.. yeah, I need to stop procrastinating. Got kinda busy tonight, though, so I didn't get a chance to get my math homework done. I need to do it this morning before running off to class.

Otherwise.. how's life going? Okay, I guess. Been kinda up and down as of late, but.. that's life, I suppose. Alas, I tend to withdraw a bit when I do that, so that's why I seem to disappear on and off. I really need to get back to the e-mails, though. Will make an effort to get those done this afternoon. Have a test coming up today, but.. not too worried about it. It really shouldn't be too bad. What I do need to do, however, is try to get some sleep. Haven't been doing much of that for awhile now.

I also need to start making up a list of things I need to do/buy before I leave for this summer. Not only will I be away for 3 months, but I also don't know what I can and cannot easily pick up there, so it's best to get as much as I can before I go. I also need to do some other things (get hair cut, etc) and make sure I have a good enough idea on how to get to where I'm going.

It still feels so.. unreal. I've talked about going to Japan since I was 12 years old. I always figured that maybe I'd do it "someday".. but it never really seems like "someday" will come up. At least not this soon. I've already been to Japan, sure, but that was for a short time. As a tourist, doing touristy things. This is only for 3 months now.. but that's still very different. I'll be living and working there this time. To "come home" after being out all day will be a different place, in a different country.

I've wanted this for so very long. And finally, I'm going. I think what I worry about most, though.. is being alone. It sounds utterly pathetic, I know.. but I'm not much of a "go out and see what happens" kind of person. At the very least, it's always easier to go do something if you know someone there, or someone goes with you. There's some form of familiarity.

Alas, I've been a bit introspective lately. Don't get me wrong.. I still want to go. I think I'm just having the typical "cold-feet" before any big life event.

I should get to bed.. test this afternoon and such, and I need to try to get up early to do my homework. I'll write sometime later, though..
Jason on 04.11.05 @ 03:51 AM JST [link]

Thursday, April 7th

I swear, I'll eventually get to bed on time.

Current Sounds: CCS - CardCaptorSakura Opening 3 J
Currently Feeling: Eh.. so-so.

I really need to go to bed on time soon. Been sleeping absolutely horribly lately. I've also managed to fall behind in my homework (a first for any of my classes, actually). I can catch up with about an hour or so of work, but.. still, it's not fun. Mostly tedious work anyway.

I feel good about my math test today. I figure I missed a question or so, but.. I think it's acceptable. I try to not worry too much about the smaller points of my grades, as long as I'm still getting a 90%+ in the class (besides, there's no difference between a 92% A and a 100% A on transcripts anyway, so who cares?).

Have to print up a paper and go to classes tomorrow, but otherwise it's the end of the week, so that's good.

Concerning some earlier stuff.. I should mention that while things are not "ideal" right now with my funding for the trip, I'll still be okay. I'll just have to budget a bit more here and there (and not get tha PSP I wanted. The PSP would've been really good for all the traveling. Watch ripped anime while waiting, listen to music, play games here and there..), but otherwise.. I still have enough to be in Japan, stay at the hostel in Tokyo, and get to where I need to go. I just may not be going around and doing insanely expensive/fun stuff while in Tokyo.

Just wanted to update about that. Otherwise.. I really need to go to bed. I know I say that everynight, but I usually stay up till 4AM regardless. Yes, very bad habit.

I really don't want to know about my Japanese grade. I didn't like the test. It was.. not so good.

I'll write more later, hopefully after sleeping for a good, long while (we're ignoring the fact that I need to be up in a few hours to go to school.

Oh! And I decided what I wanted to do for the comments for the journal. I want to see if I can make each comment look like a little post-it note, to keep on with the cork-board theme. Then it looks like people are adding on little notes of sort. Err.. yeah.
Jason on 04.07.05 @ 04:08 AM JST [link]

Wednesday, April 6th

Update (yes, I live)!

Current Sounds: Lunar Silver Star Story Complete - Luna's Boat Song
Currently Feeling: Watashi wa(ha) neru(n) ga ichiban suki desu.

First off, yes.. I'm alive. I'm also updating. I'm also horribly tired, so I really need to cut this short. Slept 3 hours last night and have been on my feet and moving (classes and tests, mostly) since 11A. Second, in case you're ever curious.. I hardly ever write anything important in Japanese (mostly because I can't express myself well at all in Japanese), so not much is missed by what I write (under "Currently feeling", it basically says that my favorite thing to do is sleeping).

So, now onto the actual update on what's up in my little corner of the world:

Worked Monday. Was absolutely horrid. The person in charge is completely and utterly incompetent. They have no leadership skills, cannot express themselves, and don't explain anything. Got home, slept for about 3 hours, and went out to school for classes and my Japanese test (besides the fact that I couldn't really make much sense in English, much less Japanese, I think I did okay). Got home, ate dinner, and had to run back out to work again.

Went in to work and went straight to moving overly large, heavy objects around while debating philosophical points and other worthless things (like trying to graphically design a new project). For this next part to make some sense, I should provide some background. This completely incompetent leader figure (whom we'll call "Umberto", because I honestly don't know his name) had something against me and my older sibling working together. Naturally, being related, we work together really well. He would go out of his way to find some worthless job for me to do (like sweeping) just to ensure we weren't working together, no matter how important the project. He also spent some time antagonizing my older sibling throughout the evening. Anyway, today we were working on moving some things, which is a two person job. One person cannot do it alone (physically). Umberto suddenly comes along and demands I go do something else. When asked why, he has no explanation. When we explain what we're doing, he refuses to look and insists I go stand around elsewhere. I continue to try to explain what we're doing (and how it's what needs to be done) and he says that he's tired of the way we're acting, and that we might as well leave.

So, here I am, at "The Home Depot" at 9PM, 90 minutes into the job, with some guy telling me I have an attitude when I hadn't spoken to him more than once. Previously mentioned older sibling is now shaking and crying from everything. I tried again to be reasonable, but he continued to walk away rambling on about how he doesn't want me there. So, we walked away for a bit. Got some water. Tried to cool down. Really, he didn't want us to leave. He was just saying it to force submission through fear of being let go. I explained the situation to some other people, talked it over, looked at everything. The next time "Umberto" came around, I let him know that we were leaving.. along with two other people. The details get boring and bogged down from there, but he proceeded to call his boss (who isn't my boss, so I don't care), told me how ruined we were now, and I let him know what I thought of him and his leadership skills. I was out by 9:15PM, no longer have to work the rest of this week, get to actually sleep tonight (for about.. 6 hours. But, better than 3), and made a whole $18!

Assuming the people want me back, I'll come back if they replace the guy. Otherwise.. I have no idea what I'm going to do. I kinda needed the money, with the whole trip to Japan coming up. I'll try to find some other way to make it work, though. Sometimes, there really are more important things than having an easy, certain answer. Being denied dignity, being antagonized, and pushing someone I'm related to and care about to the point of crying were good enough reasons, though.

Have another test today.. need to go lay down.
Jason on 04.06.05 @ 05:14 AM JST [more..]

Monday, April 4th

We all do what we must do..

Current Sounds: BoA - 02 Someday, Somewhere
Currently Feeling: Don't really want to sleep tonight.

Bleh.. I've been so bad about these things. I seem to be slipping off and kinda disappearing as of late. I'm trying to not be more than a week late in getting back to people or keeping in touch, but.. I don't always do so well at that. I'm really sorry about that.

I probably shouldn't be writing right now, at least logically I shouldn't. I'm not exactly in a positive frame of mind, so I won't exactly give a very flowery look at the world around me. That noted, let's get on with the fun and my oh-so-positive outlook, shall we?

Okay, so I just deleted about a page and a half of content. I ramble a bit, so.. let's try to condense things and keep it fairly decent. I at least try to not be a dark, miserable, happiness-sucking cloud of despair sometimes. Well, I try. Not sure how well it works.

Have two tests and a paper due this week.. plus, I'll be working nights, just to add a little more spice into it.

For some reason, I'm not really tired. I need to sleep (and will be laying down in the next 20 minutes), but.. I just don't really feel like sleeping. It's kinda weird, since I've been like this alot recently. I don't really want to go to bed, and I don't want to wake up when I finally do.

I'm going to really try to keep in better touch. Not only is it not right to just not reply to e-mails and just disappear.. it's probably best for me anyway. When things get harder and more stressful, locking yourself away isn't exactly the best way to do things. Now, whether or not I'll actually do this.. we'll have to see. But it sure sounds nice to say, doesn't it?

So, I'll be off. Might not be around this week much, especially since I might have to run from school to work, but.. we'll see what I can do. Will write later..
Jason on 04.04.05 @ 04:00 AM JST [link]


April 2005
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