Juxtaposed in Japan

Friday, September 29th

[Library]When will I be in "the future"?

Current Sounds: Link - L'Arc~en~Ciel

Yet again, sitting in the library and killing time for several hours while I wait to meet the person aptly known as "Japanese guy". I didn't bring any school-related materials (other than my notebooks for the classes I had today and my Japanese textbook), so I might write the outline for my research project on Japanese pop culture. I honestly have no idea what to do in the outline, but that's never stopped me from writing a paper before.

I should be getting a haircut sometime soon, but I don't really want to this today (despite having nothing better to do). Perhaps Monday?

It feels like my hobbies are dying away as of late, and I really don't like that feeling. I guess it's all a matter of that "growing up" thing, and I understand that school is important, but it seems like a just do the same thing day in and out, there's really no distinction between days other than which class I attend, what language I wind up speaking, and whether I passively listen or sit there and pontificate. I think I need to try to restructure my time or do with a bit less sleep and try to fit in things that I enjoy doing. Or at least that's the ideal. Not sure how to go about that yet, but it's something to think over.

I end up wondering exactly what is coming up in life. Most of my years have been spent preparing me for the future: years of schooling, life skills, problem solving, "character development", all that good stuff. But what you're not prepared for is exactly what this "future" concept is. Where is it? How do you get there? When are you there, and when are you still traveling? I wake up some days and take a look around, then I realize that I'm not in the same world I used to be. The things you "hear" about start to occur around you. They're not the topics of serious tv shows anymore, but life issues. Affairs, assualt, police trouble, accidents, hospital visits, death, rape, addiction.. when did this stuff start happening? I didn't live much of a sheltered life, not by any means. But I'm still shocked as to how this stuff happens.

After I graduate, I'm suddenly faced with having to go out and get a job to use my "skills", or go on to a grad school. Going to grad school is something "adults" do. I definitely don't feel like one. It's what I want to do, but a concept I still can't wrap my mind around. Go out and get employed? What does that even involve, anyway? I know people graduate from university, then they go to work. What happens between these two points is something I know nothing about. To make it more complex, I'm most likely going to be working abroad, in Japan.

Does everyone feel as confused as I about this? It seems like people either aren't concerned about these things or have some plan for their life, like they already know what they're going to do with their life.

As per usual, there's nothing I can do about any of this stuff in the here-and-now, so I can just continue on day to day. The future will come when it does, I guess.

But all I have to ask is.. are we there yet?
School on 09.29.06 @ 01:51 PM JST [link]

Thursday, September 21st

My, time keeps flying by. Has it already been a month?

Current Sounds: Azumanga Daioh - Soramimi Cake

More days go on and another week goes on by. All told, it wasn't all that bad of a week, actually, but I'm exhausted for some reason or another. I should be getting enough sleep, though I'm not sure if I'm eating enough. I blame it on being in the sun all the time and biking to and from school, but I'm just not hungry (though the situation means I should eat more). Regardless, I try to eat when I can to make up for it.

Ended up getting totally confused in Japanese class mid-week and stopped by to see my teacher to clear things up. She's really helpful and nice, and fortunately it turned out that the problem wasn't that I'm behind or anything, mostly a matter of the book using phrases I've never heard of before. Not sure how to counter this, but it put my mind at ease, and I guess it just means I need to try to derive more meaning from the written conversations in the book. Hmm.. I've also written a quick paper for one of my classes, done homework, read literature, got my term-paper topic approved, lined up some interviews for that (or at least got people to agree to hear me out for my proposal).. and that's about it. I think I may be getting sick now, or at least coming down with something. Since I got home, I feel hot (feverish) and achey all over. To combat this, I've been going about taking in 4x the suggested vitamin C (36oz of orange juice + some candies.. yeah!), which seems to help in warding off these things.

I'm at a bit of an impasse right now. To do my term-paper, I need to buy a book (I rather need to book as a reference, and I can't borrow or find it in the city). Also, since someone stepped on my bike helmet earlier this week, there's some damage to it and I should probably replace it (just to be on the safe side). I'm on a budget right now, so I need to make a choice. Most likely, the helmet's fine (especially if I don't plan on landing on the back of my head), and I rather need the book. I'm also opposed to hitting my head on concrete, though. It seems mightily painful, and I imagine that the piece of the helmet that broke off was probably there for a reason.

Can't worry about these things now. I'm going to go to bed, sleep, wake up, and hopefully study in the morning for my test. Even better if I'm not sick in the morning.
Jason on 09.21.06 @ 11:45 PM JST [link]

Friday, September 15th

[Library] Another day, another week.

Current Sounds: Utada Hikaru - Simple and Clean

In the school computer commons once more.. I should be sitting down and writing a birthday card in Japanese and/or reading and reviewing my Chinese history book. Somehow, reading articles online seems more fun than that, though, so I'm here.

The week pretty much slipped by without much notice, other than the usual pattern of getting up, going to school, etc. Once you get used to a regular schedule, you pay attention to less details and therefore ultimately remember less (because remembering "the same" is alot less than minute details), making it seem like the week is shorter, even when it technically consists of the same amount of hours. Kinda pointless, but just one of those weird things you think about while riding to and from school (like the long monologue on the word "peddle", and what the root "ped" must mean).

This weekend, no plans. Just need to do a little schoolwork somewhere in the middle, but otherwise it's pretty much free. Why do today what you could to tomorrow, right? This is clearly the best approach to day-to-day life.

Tonight, I'm going out to dinner at some Japanese place with my Japanese language partner. Eat dinner, practice Japanese/English, go home.. yes. I don't know what it is, but I occasionally have these bouts where my life just seems so.. boring, unexciting. I prefer a solid schedule, and I like having things to do, but it just feels like I should be doing more, or at least something interesting. I don't really think there's a solution to this problem, though. Hopefully soon I'll hear back on European or Japanese travel plans and can work on planning towards that.

I should go do that homework I've been putting off. Have about an hour and a half for that, park outside the ESL building, then meet "the guy" and go off to dinner.

Hmm.. and I need to make up some new calendar images for the side bar of this. Definitely.
School on 09.15.06 @ 01:47 PM JST [link]

Friday, September 8th

The joys of Japanese

Current Sounds: 2cm - Rie Fu

It's distinctly possible that I'm getting "too busy" at this point. I'm not quite there yet, but I keep adding things to my schedule. Fortunately, most are optional and I can start to clear things up if I get too busy, but I'm starting to spend excessive amounts of time sitting on campus. Case in point, right now. I have another 3 hours of waiting until I meet up with someone to go practice Japanese, and then ideally go home.

Honestly, it looks like most of my time taken up is Japanese-related. once a week I go to a "language table" where any student can go and practice Japanese for about an hour with native speakers (all the native speakers teach Japanese classes), and I'm going to change that to twice a week starting Monday. Twice a week, I meet an ESL Japanese exchange student for more speaking practice (he needs help with English, I do with Japanese). Currently, I'm in the process of recruiting yet another native Japanese-speaking exchange student. The things people go through to get good at a language.. blah. None of these things are required, though, so I can reschedule or drop things if it interferes with school.

However, I do notice an improvement, and feel more confident and more capable in speaking. It's also interesting at the "language table", since there are students of all levels, and being able to see the different stages. Apparently I've made some progress, at least.

Other than that.. the week went by fairly quickly, fortunately. Wake up, go to school and write notes, come home and do homework/read, do something totally unproductive, go to bed, repeat. After I'm done with writing this, I need to go summarize some more chapters for my Chinese history class. Kinda boring, but the work needs to get done. Might as well do it while I'm a "captive audience" and can't go anywhere.

That's about it for now. Just rambling, since I have the time. Probably going to go steal a glass-enclosed study room now so I can write my papers in relative peace while the world watches. So, away I go!
School on 09.08.06 @ 01:19 PM JST [link]

Wednesday, September 6th

I'm not the zombie I once was.

Current Sounds: Evangelion - Takahashi Youko - Cruel Angel's Thesis

Not really sure what to say, just kinda rambling. Need to wake up bright and early tomorrow so I can get into my morning class and review a book about a Japanese soldier in the war-torn Phillipines that eventually winds up eating people prior to appointing himself to be a soldier of god's wrath ("Fires on the Plain"). Helpful note: do not read the second half of this book prior to eating meat. It just doesn't work out.

I want to watch a movie before I go to bed, though, but no idea what. It's not a very good idea, anyway, since I should go to bed reasonably soon. But I find it a nice breaker to do something I enjoy after homework and writing papers to at leasr feel like the day's over and I'm done with my work. Weird habit, sure, but it works out.

On a positive note, I really think I'm starting to get used to the new sleep schedule. Waking up in the middle of the night here and there, not sleeping the whole night, but I'm not a half-crazed zombie when I wake up anymore. I'm still one of the two (either half-crazed or a zombie, I don't know which), but not both. This is definitely an improvement.

Other new developments? I've been thoroughly sucked into both MySpace and Facebook. I'm not totally keen on obsessive social networking, but even I realize at a point that there are times where you just go along with what the group does because it makes your life markedly easier.

Anyway, that's it for now. I'm going to watch the rest of "Mythbusters" and then head off to sleep. More exciting times ahead, to be sure.
Jason on 09.06.06 @ 11:46 PM JST [link]

Tuesday, September 5th

taihen na koto da kedo, shi kata wa nai

Current Sounds: Star Ocean 2 (Destiny) - Frozen Dreams
Currently Feeling: Life's ironic

Woke up this morning and decided to learn "If you're happy and you know it.." in Japanese before I went off to school. No real good reason for this, but it just seemed mildly fitting and like something to do. I should mention now that this song (in English) is deeply cemented in my mind due to having had to sing it every single morning in Preschool (about 2-3 years). So, this song already carries a strong feeling of irony for me. Being the joyful little child I was, I used to not clap my hands because, frankly, I wasn't happy in the morning (I'm still not much of a morning person). The teachers argued with me that it doesn't matter if you're happy or not, just that you clapped your hands. So, every morning, I sang "If you're not happy and you know it.."

..yes, I was quite the annoying little kid. But I like to think that, at the very least, I was spirited. That's a positive way of saying "stubborn".

So, yeah.. I spent the morning learning it, humming it on the way to school and rambling it between classes. It will likely be stuck in my head for quite awhile now, which is good. I might run across a Japanese person who looks like they're happy and should be clapping their hands. Yes.. a valuable life skill.

The irony comes in around noon with a phone call I got. Apparently things have gone awfully wrong between my parents and now things are going to be ugly for awhile. I aim to maintain a policy of not getting involved, but I don't imagine this will last long. Wish me luck?

I'm actually in the process of skipping my last class of the day.. my first skipped class since I started the semester, how exciting. Went to go run a quick errand with a friend of mine and she was skipping the class anyway, so.. it's so much easier to not go if other people aren't going too. I'm thinking I might need some ice cream.. if only it wasn't so expensive.

Anyway, that's it for now. I'm going to head off, find my bike, and wait outside a building for someone to show up.
School on 09.05.06 @ 02:52 PM JST [link]

Monday, September 4th

Nostalgia or deja vu.. are they so different?

Current Sounds: Ellis, Paul - The World Ain't Slowin Down

It was something of a busy week last time I wrote, had alot of stuff all going on at once. Alas, things seem to be slightly better now, hopefully it'll stay that way for awhile. I like things to make sense or at least be somewhat reasonable, and people aren't always that way, leaving me a tad annoyed. At that point, I get near a computer when I'm still just barely awake and ramble for awhile. So.. yeah.

I can't really think of much of note that happened this past week, but I'm sure things did occur (safe to say, since I was awake and at school everyday). I did finally get my schedule fixed, and it should stay the same until December (or so I hope). I've also started reading novels in my "Lit and War" class, which is a nice improvement. Reading select chapters about facts on history is good enough, but too disconnected. Reading a novel from start to finish is much better. Right now, I'm reading "Fire on the Plains" by Shohei Ooka. It's a good book (and in English), though a bit dark. Since I'm going to be reading (WWII) war novels--about one a week--for the next 3-4 months, I think I'll put off "Jarhead" until next semester.

This week.. I imagine I probably have a "surprise" essay to write about the book sometime soon, reading assignments, and I don't think much other than homework is coming up. Might have a quiz coming in the next week or so, but nothing too pressing yet. I should start on paper topics soon for my term papers, but that can wait another week or so.

There's more to say, but it's late and I'm tired. For now, though, I leave with a photo taken on Friday. Yes, I do still exist! It was taken in one of the eateries/cafeterias/what-have-you on campus after classes.

The picture is in the full entry, under "More.." at the bottom of this post.

With that, I'm off!
Jason on 09.04.06 @ 04:48 AM JST [more..]


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