Juxtaposed in Japan

Saturday, September 29th

No rest for the weary...

Current Sounds: Takeharu Ishimoto - Give Me All Your Love

My boss, the woman whose son is still in a coma, decided to commit suicide on Friday, September 29th.

Taylor's in a coma, and now Wendy's dead.

At the risk of sounding self-centered and positive the world runs around me, some days I wonder if god/fate/whatever makes it a hobby to throw as much at me as possible to see how much it takes to make me snap. If I give in, will they leave me alone?

My sheer lack of ever stopping to cope with life, problems, or anything might be involved.. but I frankly have never (and still don't) have time to deal with this stuff. I gotta keep running, people need me. I can't sit around and feel bad for myself.

It's not my place to interpret her actions.. but I can't say that I don't understand. Her only son is going to die. After being in a coma this long, with extensive brain damage.. there just weren't many other possibilities. No parent wants to see their child go. She was divorced, lived alone (with her son).. I can't really blame her. But that doesn't make it any easier to accept that she's gone. Forever.

I talked to her on Thursday. She said she wanted to see me on Friday. She had stuff for me to do on Friday. Before she left on Thursday, she prepared some papers for me and finished all the office work for me to start. Obviously.. something changed between Thursday to Friday. Or maybe it was an impulse. I don't imagine we'll ever know.

All I want to be able to do is help. If I could take away these people's pain, I'd do so as soon as I could. But you can only do so much in life. In the end, the decision is in the hands of the person, we make our own choices. No one can change it.

It's tough now, but I can't imagine how much worse it's going to be when I come to work on Monday and have to go into her office, see her photos, see the notes I left for her, the notes she left for herself. The main page of the website for the school even has a photo of her (and some students). And that's saying nothing of the power of denial that's carrying me on right now.

Goodbye, Wendy. I wish you didn't, but I understand.
Jason on 09.29.07 @ 07:01 PM JST [link]

Friday, September 28th

[At work] The more you work, the more fulfilling it is.. maybe.

Current Sounds: Ai Otsuka - Momo no Hanabira

Hey, how's it going?

Why, I'm fine.. thanks for asking!

Anyway, I'm at work again. Been a long week, especially Thursday (2 tests, 1 1.5pg Japanese essay on a 'traditional craft'). Fortunately, I'm only here until 2, then going running out to the mall with some friends/students from work. Don't really need anything in specific, though I am looking to buy a new jacket for winter (I only have one decent one right now, should probably have at least two so I can switch it up and not wear the same one every single day). The sad thing is that when I prepare for winter and talk about "the bitter cold", I really mean something like 50°F. Seriously, that's COLD. And don't get me started on the 38-40°F low at night. That makes a Jason cry (tears that FREEZE, might I add). The irony is that this isn't even really all that cold, but since I've lived in a desert a good portion of my life (one that has highs of 110° in the summer), those temperatures are life-threatening, as far as I'm concerned. You should see me when it's colder, though, as I curl up in front of any heater/fireplace/warmth-giving-object with 2 sweaters and a blanket.

But that's a really long-winded aside for "kinda wanting a new jacket".

Aside from that.. not much else going on. My coworker is still in a coma, so it's been over a month now. I see his mother everytime I'm at work, and it's still tough to see the pain that she has to carry. But I can only imagine it must be infinitely tougher on her part. I do my best to keep her office (academic affairs) when she's out, writing up paperwork and sending it out to all the teachers, collecting, filing and interpreting the information, updating the student lists.. stuff like that. Now, what I don't look forward to is the coming placement week. In the fall semester, it takes place during the same time that the normal students are taking finals, so we have to book both computer labs and it gets viciously hectic. We're also running short-staffed (or at least have some bad schedules), so hours are hard to fill. I do my best to schedule everyone not only fairly, but to fill out the needs of the school.. alas, this means that any empty blocks are filled by me, since I have the loosest schedule (classes only 2 days a week).

What does this mean? During placement week, I'll be coming in at 0730 every day during that week, even on class days so I can help out for a few hours. Tues, Wed, and Thurs, I'll be on campus from 0730-1700/1800. Fortunately, I have a few weeks before this happens.. but I'm not looking forward to that. I'm telling you, though.. I better get something totally awesome when I leave. A t-shirt's not gonna cut it...

The insane amount of work aside, I'm doing all right. Barely have time to fit everything I need to do in a day in, but... not much I can do about it. At the very least, I think I'm gaining alot of great experience here (how many other jobs have you working closely with university professors and doctors as administrators?), and I find it fulfilling. You get out of your job what you put in, and I'd say it's coming along okay. Even to a certain extent, it's made me rethink my view on not becoming a teacher (I still would rather not, but we'll see). The one strange thing is that in only 3-4 months, I've now become the senior 'lab monitor' (my brilliant job title). All the people who've been here longer have left, and I've worked double the hours than the other people who've come at the same time. People leave me notes now. While this is good.. it does mean added responsibility. I don't necessarily mind taking charge though, I guess. If it's a choice between leading or following, I'm going to lead, hands down.

I credit this to my distrust of others. I just can't trust them to lead properly...

Anyway, I should get onto my data gathering, sifting through some papers from each teacher and turning it into meaningful data (namely, how many students we can anticipate next semester so we can schedule the classes properly).

I'll write sometime later!
School on 09.28.07 @ 06:24 AM JST [link]

Thursday, September 20th

The other Old Tucson photos

Current Sounds: Ai Otsuka - Neko no Fuusen

Here are the photos from Old Tucson that I had to scan in. I took the liberty of also adding a sepia-ish filter to them to give an older look (which they offer to do there.. but why do that when you can do it for free at home?). And, of course, I kept the originals.

Hyunji (red dress), Risa (blue dress), and me. I suppose I was a gambler or something. Alas, they don't really come up with elaborate stories while you're doing it (such a shame, don't you think?).

Anyway, I have to get back to studying for this hellish Japanese test. This evening, I'm also going out to a movie, though, so today's not so bad.

I smell placement tests in the near future. And, unfortunately, due to the fact that there are 3 workers and the schedules aren't ideal, it looks like I might be pulling some additional early mornings before my classes to help out soon. But it's still a few weeks away.. fortunately.

All work and no play makes Jason a dull boy. Such a shame.
Jason on 09.20.07 @ 08:03 AM JST [more..]

Sunday, September 16th

Survived Old Tucson.. again!

Current Sounds: Utada Hikaru - Colors

Made it back from Old Tucson, had a generally pleasant time. While I'm not personally insanely fond of the place (going there 5+ times may be involved), seeing others excited about it and enjoying everything for the first time does make it alot of fun.

So, I've included a bunch of pictures from yesterday. Not much to say about the photos, as they're pretty self-exaplanatory. I also went and did another "dress up in old-west clothes" picture shoot thing, but I need to get to a scanner to put those online. I'll do that in a day or so soon. It's kinda cool, we all had a great time.

.. and yes, 80% of my time is spent with non-native English speakers now. It's definitely an interesting job.

Click on 'more' to see the photos.
Jason on 09.16.07 @ 09:47 AM JST [more..]

Wednesday, September 12th

Submission, GO!

Current Sounds: Utada Hikaru - Colors

Sent off my passport photos, resume, and cover letter a few hours ago. We'll see how it goes. Naturally, I'm sure I'll keep you (and by 'you', I mean the nebulous body that may or may not be reading this self-centered record of my life) informed of how things are going.

It's strange realizing that every other time I've bought a plane ticket in my life, it's always been 'round trip'. But this next time will be one way. Amazing how that minor technicality has such a larger meaning behind it.

Anyway, regardless of what happens with this current school, I'll be looking at a job in Japan relatively soon.

I need to go to bed and study for some tests tomorrow (one in Japanese, a quiz on some kanji/vocab/translation of a reading I've done and one in psychology). Loooooooong week. But this weekend, I'm going to Old Tucson again. Not exactly the happiest place on earth, but playing tour guide makes nearly any experience more enjoyable.

Well, wish me luck!
Jason on 09.12.07 @ 09:09 PM JST [link]

I'm qualified.. I swear!

Current Sounds: Lennon - Where do I fit in?

Writing a cover letter is not fun. And I thought resume work was a unique hell.. oh, no. The cover letter just reeks of "if I don't do this well, I'll live in a box 4EVRZ!!!!!!".

Nothing makes you feel less qualified than talking about how qualified you are. Kinda ironic. Or maybe it's me. "Why are you good for this job?" "...because I want it?" "What skills do you have that make you qualified?" "I have a decent success rate at matching my clothes when I leave the house?"

Of course, I know that I am more qualified than others in my position. I've already taught in Japan, I work at a nationally recognized English school, and I have a fair degree of fluency in Japanese. Oh, and did I mention that I just frankly want it more? I don't want for a lot of things in life, mostly because it's tiring to have to work 'hell-or-highwater'-style for things. But when I want something, I get it. Each and every time.

I should get back to finishing this letter up, touch up the good ol' resume, get a copy of my passport, and get to mailin' this stuff off.

Jason needs a job. Let's see how long it takes (my current record is 6 days, from starting to look to starting work.. I think that'll be hard to beat).

Oh.. and I slept 5 hours last night. This is probably somewhat related to why I'm so tired and can't concentrate. Alas, back to the salt mines!
School on 09.12.07 @ 07:11 AM JST [link]

Sunday, September 9th

An important observation

Current Sounds: Mike Oldfield - Moonlit Shadow

You know, it's a whole lot easier to say "I'm going to move to Japan for 3 years" when you're, you know.. not actually going to move to Japan for 3 years.

Garagahahonweaneohneohwwhlhl;hlgf;d

That is all.
Jason on 09.09.07 @ 09:35 AM JST [link]

Friday, September 7th

[At work] More on the Japan thing

Current Sounds: Nothing.. no one's in the computer lab

So, I have a little more time to write now. Depending on the day, I generally have to go to sleep pretty early in order to wake up relatively rested for work in the morning. I have to say, though, that I still think this whole 'waking up at 6am' thing is still not really ideal. Stupid 6am. Who ever thought it was a good idea to have this time, anyway?

Anyway, I need to start getting to work on finding/pursuing a job in Japan starting today/tonight (I need to write up an e-mail and send it off). So far I actually have found some leads that would send me somewhere in the Yamaguchi Prefecture area of Japan. Not exactly a cultural hub, or even remotely 'big', but ideally the cows don't outnumber the people (which was pretty true in the last place I lived in Japan.. seriously. My neighbors had a pig for a pet). I'd be teaching English at several different places, which really isn't so bad. Of course, this is still by no means 'assured', but it does look promising. The place apparently offers contracts for several years, which works out as a better deal than what I thought I might have to do, which would involve working at one place for awhile, moving to another, and so forth. Though it'd be a great experience purely for travel and getting to see new places, I'm really big on not having to destroy and rebuild frequently.

Alas, most of the people around me aren't terribly keen on this idea.. and I rather understand. Frankly, I have a tendency of disappearing when I leave the country, and those are just for short trips when people know I'm actually going to come back. Tentatively, I plan to move to Japan for about 3 years and then either look for a more concrete job there and do translating, or come back to America for grad school. So, either way, I'll be gone for awhile.

One thing that makes this all tough, though, is the planning. Once I start sending e-mails, I need to commit. And once I commit, I needs dates. Dates mean that I need to decide now when I plan on leaving my country. How long after I graduate do I want to sit around and think about things? But not just for me, but how long should I give to hang around America and stay with people so they won't feel quite as abandoned? I rarely like planning more than 3-4 months in advance for anything, so this is a bit.. extreme. But necessary.

Whatever happens.. I'm probably not going to take the world by storm, per se, but I'm going to do what I can, maybe make a little difference, and hit the ground running.

As an aside, the going prediction is that I'll be married within 2 years of being in Japan (and not just one person, several are going for this). Oh ye of little faith.. tsk, tsk.
School on 09.07.07 @ 06:41 AM JST [link]

Thursday, September 6th

The things we aren't prepared for are the most confusing

Current Sounds: DHT - Moonlit Shadow

I don't think life really prepares you for having to look someone in the eye, someone who's facing the loss of their only child, and having to find some words of comfort that don't sound contrite, forced, or of the platitudes we all learn to speak since we're children.

I feel like I fail as a person during these moments. And yet I bring myself to them again. Mostly because I don't believe people as a whole will do the right thing, so if I don't do the right thing, no one else will. The 'right thing' in this case, of course, is not leaving someone alone in their suffering.

Such good times, huh?

In other news, I have some good prospects lined up for jobs in Japan. If things go as planned, it looks like I'll be leaving America shortly after I graduate for at least 2-3 years. The current path I'm looking into is a pretty good deal, though the more 'real' this is becoming, the more nervous/frightened I am. Basically, what I'm going to do is discard my entire life in America and attempt to rebuild something entirely different in Japan. The whole time, I'll be speaking a different language, reading and watching tv in something I don't natively understand. A great experience, sure.. but a terrifying prospect.

However, I'm not really in a position to balk at the concept of a comped apartment and car, plus decent salary and the ability to live abroad. I need to at pursue this.

I have some other stuff to do tonight, then bed, but figured I'd at least say what's on my mind.

Later
Jason on 09.06.07 @ 06:31 PM JST [link]

Monday, September 3rd

Hey, I'm still kickin'.

Current Sounds: Amuro Namie - Never End

Not much to say.. life's still been hectic and up in the air. However, just wanted to update with some photos to let you know I've still be around and alive. I'll try to write soon (maybe Wednesday), and go a little more in depth as to what's been up. Until then, enjoy the pictures.

And yeah.. the party is a great example of me spending lots of time being the only American around. But I did spend 5 hours straight on Sunday just talking and listening to Japanese. Good times.

So.. yeah, check under 'More..' for the photos. I'll write later.
Jason on 09.03.07 @ 09:35 PM JST [more..]


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