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When the doctor says "One of the initial side effects of this medicine is nausea", it turns out he's not joking. Drowsiness was something also mentioned and, lo and behold, I'm experiencing.
2.5 down, 4 more hours of work to go.
Don't feel goooooood...
School on 11.09.07 @ 08:16 AM JST [link]
Current Sounds: Breaking the Habit - Linkin Park
Mm.. wrote a 1.5 page Japanese essay yesterday (for the record, since Japanese use different writing papers, basically with grids and boxes to write each character in, there are 400 characters per page.. this doesn't mean a whole lot to those who don't write in Japanese, I guess), have two tests today (statistics and psychology), and a Japanese test on Tuesday. Busy, busy.. oh, and busy. I think this weekend will be pretty low key, but I do need to find someone to run over my Japanese test/study guide with to make sure I actually understand what I'm doing. I guess I'll send out some e-mails tonight or something and see if anyone can spare some of their Veterans' Day to help me with the Japanese-ing.
I don't really have a whole lot to say, other than reiterate how tired I am. Things are kinda shaky with the school I was going to work at in Japan, but it's still only November, so I probably will start to apply to some other schools. Where, why, and how aren't really important to me, just as long as I have some place willing to commit to hire me as soon as I graduate. To say that I'm nervous really would be an understatement for this whole thing.. but at this point, I think choices are a bit limited. Often, whether we like it or not, we have to throw ourselves face-first into situations where we have no idea of the outcome. Will I fail? Succeed? Hate it there? Love it? I have no way of knowing. I think it's the permanence of it all. If I don't like it.. too bad, I'm stuck. If I do.. that's great. But when we worry about things, we don't really think much about the best-case scenario, now do we?
Outside of testing, testing, writing essays, doing research, and studying.. I don't do a whole lot. But last weekend, I did go minigolfing with one of the students at the school here (it was fun, had a good time), and yesterday I went to go see my cousin's team play at my university. They won, it was great, happiness was had by all. Of course, the odd part is that her university and mine have something of a rivalry, but at least I'm not much for school pride so it wasn't too big of a situation.
Speaking of school pride.. I need to buy a t-shirt from the school before I leave, and ideally a coffee mug. Sure, I don't drink coffee, but I'm sure I'll want to have a university mug to drink from when I'm older and remember "the good ol' days" (which, I assure you, will be MUCH exagerated. There will be parties, wild, out-of-control pranks, and 'that professor that I had a rivalry with')
I should get going.. have to go Japanese it up for awhile, then go fill in circles and pretend I know what I'm doing on some tests. On a positive note, I'm getting home before 7pm for once! That's, indeed, pretty awesome. Maybe I can eat.. lately, I haven't been hungry at all, and I'm only eating about once a day. Definitely not a good thing. I'd blame anxiety/stress.. but that's a whole different conversation that I certainly don't intend to go into.
I will, however, try to get around to uploading some minigolf and halloween pictures this weekend. And next weekend, someone's birthday party. There will probably be photos of that too.
School on 11.08.07 @ 08:39 AM JST [link]
Current Sounds: Prozzak - Sucks to be You
Having to worry about color coordination for the clothes you're going to wear to a memorial service just seems like a stabbing bit of irony. Well, gosh, I'd hate to look tacky while honoring the dead. Quite the faux pas, you know.
I'm just mildly disgruntled over all this stuff. I have little to no tolerance for dealing with the things that are being chucked this way. And yes, I know people have it worse. No, I really don't care. For every person who has it worse, there's some guy out that where I'M the person who has it worse. Reverse logic, yay.
I've been a student for approximately 19 years of my life. Sure, the early years were spent tracing lines and cutting out shapes (I wasn't good at either), but all the same.. I was in a school, and the goal was to do some learning. The prospect of moving to another country smack-dab on the other side of the world where I'll no longer speak my native language for a minimum of 3 years (maximum of forever) is, frankly, horrifying. I'll no longer be a 'student'. I'll be something else (a teacher. I assure you, the irony isn't lost on me). Yes, I've been there before. I've studied the language for years, and this is the ultimate proving ground. I've even taught in the country before, to kids no less (KIDS)! But this is all a horrifying prospect. Trying to keep all this in focus (and start working on my visa stuff in January) is enough to deal with, I'd think, with school. But having picking up the city-wide newspaper (random note: population is about 1m people here) in the morning and stumbling across a memorial to your boss is amazingly heart-wrenching. Being in a room with people while reading this and nodding intelligently, looking like you're reading a good whodunit book and not the intimate details of the life and death of someone you knew.. now that's just even better.
What I want to know is.. when does this stuff end? When I think I'm making progress, moving forward, coping with the changes and sometimes questionable nature of life.. random bouts of insomnia hit again. I can't sleep. Or maybe I can sleep.. but the night is filled with images I'd rather not replay. Thankfully, dreams fade as your day progresses. Alas, that doesn't make those critical moments after you wake up and questions what's real any more enjoyable.
That's not to say I'm entirely unhappy. Life doesn't 'suck', per se. It just does when I'm alone. When I have to be 'me', and I can't be the person who has no concerns, is highly optimistic and driven, and will do whatever it takes. When you have no one to lie for, no audience to perform in front of, images and magic mean nothing. Sleight of hand matters only when there are people watching the trick.
Afterall, if a tree falls in the woods and no one's there to hear it, does it make a sound?
It's late, I need sleep.
(as an aside, to answer your question Kat.. for some reason, my university doesn't believe in a Fall break. The best we get is Thanksgiving thursday and the friday after it off.. a whole 2 days. Tsk, tsk)
Jason on 11.03.07 @ 11:38 PM JST [link]
Current Sounds: BSSM - Moonlit Densetsu
Got a Japanese quiz in about 20 minutes, followed by another midterm an hour after that. Super-awesome-excited..gar.
I'm tired of having weekly "If you Fail, you Die!" tests. I just don't feel devoted enough nowadays to care about the small details on how humans remember (or forget) things. I really, sincerely, totally don't care. Here's me. Here's caring. Do you see how we don't really interact and/or have any mutual interests? No? Well that's probably due to my less-than-stellar example that I just wrote which consists of only text on a screen. If I did a mock-up in ASCII art, it would've been totally awesome (and clear), I assure you.
So busy nowadays, too. If it's not one thing, it's another, there's always something that I either need to do, or have to prepare for in the future. I'm tired.. but sleeping isn't really much of a possibility when you have a bunch of tests that you need to actually know a little something about.
On a less dire, dramatic note, I got a credit card last week. It may seem like nothing of note to anyone other than myself, but I've thus far avoided taking any credit offers for the past few years of my life because I firmly believe that if I don't have the money, I have no business buying something. Alas, the world works in funny ways and people actually WANT me to carry debt so that way I can buy houses and cars (with the hoojillions of dollars I'll undoubtedly be making as an English teacher in Japan) in the future. I have no idea why or how this is a good idea, but I didn't make the system, so don't blame me. It's just weird.
I also went trick-or-treating last night, and took two students from the school I work at out with me. Pictures of that would be up today, but alas, my camera is at home and I'm at work/school (but neither working nor schooling.. hmm). I'll get on that soon-ish.
I gotta run and study for that Japanese quiz.. I'll write again soon
School on 11.01.07 @ 08:47 AM JST [link]
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